...if I am really losing weight, because scales are against my religion.
...if I will ever be over all that medicine.
...when it won't hurt anymore.
...why I don't realize MORE often that I am so truly blessed in so many ways by so many people.
My pants are falling down, and I feel so much better. Who cares if I'm losing weight. Now If I could only run every other day like I used to.
I'm sick of being the girl who cries to others and has a sad story to share whenever one of my friends or family is dumb enough to ask. Stop asking. Or maybe I should stop with my pity party.
I wonder if that's what all this "stuff" is about. The ever-changing hair color, the makeup, the reinventing through piercing.... All exterior repairs to
cover the emptiness inside.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Well, THIS girl is a lame blogger....
9 months later? Really????
That's what happens when you think you've got everything under control (Ha!) and you don't need extra help or support from anyone or anything.
Again....what was I thinking? Every time there's an event or occurrence, that little voice goes through my head, "hey, you should blog about this. It's your journal. It's an expression of your feelings. It's your outlet. Get on the computer. Or your iPad lazy pants!"
Well, I ignored that annoying voice EVERYTIME...so even if you don't care, here's an update:
1. I was doing well after the NY trip...feeling great. Rejuvenated, motivated, healthy, happy, and wise.
2. I started dating someone *for the first time since my ex left, and was having a great time.
None of that lasted very long; the avalanche came soon after. Question is, why didn't I see it coming?
3. I wasted 3 months on someone who was emotionally unavailable, or in his words, "not even sure he ever wants to be in a relationship again." ummm.......then what are we doing?
4. Had a panic attack at work after enough mud was slung to fill up a pig pen. I LOATHE trash talkers.
5. I got sick. I mean SICK. I got illness on top of illness on top of illness. I was bedridden all summer and basically had zero immune system. Along with zero energy, zero appetite, zero will to live.
Lord, please let that have been my lowest point. I don't want to ever be there again.
So, another year (another birthday) has passed, and they say you get older and wiser. I guess. I do feel wiser. When I look back at what I've been through in the past few years and how much stronger it's made me, I simply marvel at my ability to not give up. Where did that come from? I was the girl who buckled at the slightest show of anything painful or stressful. But I'm here. I'm still standing. God's not finished with me yet.
After having quite the celebration in all things sinful and glutenous, I decided to start a cleanse today. It cost me a pretty penny, but I needed to do something. Between my injury, my illnesses, and my medication, I have failed my body in the worst way. I need to fix this. So for the next thirty days I am going to detox, cleanse, exercise, and pray. I am going to be my main focus, and I am going to make me a priority. I'm hoping to fit into some jeans that have some cobwebs on them, sure, but more importantly I want to sleep through the night, eat healthier meals, have energy, and feel human again.
I can't wait. Long gone will be the days of waking up depressed or lonely or unmotivated. I have an amazing roommate who is a great spiritual and healthy support system, I have friends at work who have shown their loyalty, and I have a God who never leaves my side. I will not take any of this for granted. I will try my best every day. AND I will keep you posted....I am a Lucky Girl.
That's what happens when you think you've got everything under control (Ha!) and you don't need extra help or support from anyone or anything.
Again....what was I thinking? Every time there's an event or occurrence, that little voice goes through my head, "hey, you should blog about this. It's your journal. It's an expression of your feelings. It's your outlet. Get on the computer. Or your iPad lazy pants!"
Well, I ignored that annoying voice EVERYTIME...so even if you don't care, here's an update:
1. I was doing well after the NY trip...feeling great. Rejuvenated, motivated, healthy, happy, and wise.
2. I started dating someone *for the first time since my ex left, and was having a great time.
None of that lasted very long; the avalanche came soon after. Question is, why didn't I see it coming?
3. I wasted 3 months on someone who was emotionally unavailable, or in his words, "not even sure he ever wants to be in a relationship again." ummm.......then what are we doing?
4. Had a panic attack at work after enough mud was slung to fill up a pig pen. I LOATHE trash talkers.
5. I got sick. I mean SICK. I got illness on top of illness on top of illness. I was bedridden all summer and basically had zero immune system. Along with zero energy, zero appetite, zero will to live.
Lord, please let that have been my lowest point. I don't want to ever be there again.
So, another year (another birthday) has passed, and they say you get older and wiser. I guess. I do feel wiser. When I look back at what I've been through in the past few years and how much stronger it's made me, I simply marvel at my ability to not give up. Where did that come from? I was the girl who buckled at the slightest show of anything painful or stressful. But I'm here. I'm still standing. God's not finished with me yet.
After having quite the celebration in all things sinful and glutenous, I decided to start a cleanse today. It cost me a pretty penny, but I needed to do something. Between my injury, my illnesses, and my medication, I have failed my body in the worst way. I need to fix this. So for the next thirty days I am going to detox, cleanse, exercise, and pray. I am going to be my main focus, and I am going to make me a priority. I'm hoping to fit into some jeans that have some cobwebs on them, sure, but more importantly I want to sleep through the night, eat healthier meals, have energy, and feel human again.
I can't wait. Long gone will be the days of waking up depressed or lonely or unmotivated. I have an amazing roommate who is a great spiritual and healthy support system, I have friends at work who have shown their loyalty, and I have a God who never leaves my side. I will not take any of this for granted. I will try my best every day. AND I will keep you posted....I am a Lucky Girl.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)